This poor guy above just tires himself out with all that RAMBLING.. He needs a nap..lol
I think I can take it from here:

Talk about a VAST conspiracy! It seems these days EVERYBODY is Illuminati; You never can tell. Even your mother may be an agent. I mean YOU have no idea what she was doing all that time when you were in school! So I put together this quick survival guide to help you better identify the members of this nefarious organization.

1) Triangles:
Everybody knows when the Devil was kicked out of Heaven, he splashed down in the “DEVIL’S Triangle”. Right?! Why else would they call it that? I have therefore reached the natural conclusion that ALL triangles are from The Devil… Even something as seemingly innocent as triangular earrings! Devil worship! Remember…, GOD Loves Straight Lines! You can’t make a cross with a Triangle.

2) ELMO:
Look deep into Elmo’s eyes and tell me you don’t feel the urge to worship The Devil.. That little bastard is indoctrinating our children with his RED fur and hugs. Those are Red DEVIL Hugs! Only Devil hugging, Triangle T-shirt wearing fanatics would have ELMO in their home. If you did, at least ONE of your parents was Illuminati.

3) The MAIN Indicator: SUCCESS!!!
This is a Sure-Fire Sign Of Illuminati-ism. Anyone doing well, SUSPECT THEM!
Had you joined the secret society, your marijuana dispensary license would have been approved a LONG time ago. You would have WON the lotto if only you knew the secret handshake when buying your ticket.

In fact, If you’ve ever failed at ANYTHING you can now rest easy. It wasn’t YOUR fault! You are simply not part of the elite.. The Illuminati!

Those of us who live in a righteous manner may be surviving on a steady diet of Ramen noodles and/or moving back in with our parents, but at least our souls are saved.

Anyone ELSE out there, actually DARING to do SUCCEED in life… Well let’s just say you’ve got some explaining to do.