// Always be ready to do without those people who won’t help you.

The only power someone has over you is when they have something you want. Most people are proactive and seek to do business with others. A few are generous and offer to help others…. but you have to take into account that SOME people are either lazy, or sadistic. You will get nothing from them.

When these people have what they think you want, something inside them clicks. They immediately withdraw or inexplicably take a defensive position. You should not be angry. This is simply an infantile power trip. When you notice these things, if it’s not a matter of life and death, consider a re-route. Completely turn your back and look for other solutions. Why give that much power to another person?

Will this be easy? Not always… But it will be three times more rewarding when you have managed to make things happen without another person’s money, influence or anything else they want to hold over your head.

Later you might even find that they are in fact seeking YOU out. That’s when the ball is in your court. This has been my biggest secret to success over the last decade.

Please Note: It is very important at that point that you NOT continue the cycle. You will, however have a much stronger bargaining position, which you should take SOME advantage of. Otherwise they will not learn. So you do this… essentially for THEIR benefit.

In short: Find an alternative and come back stronger. The price of doing business will increase dramatically in your favor, as it should.

Ideally every friendship you make should be lifelong and fulfilling. In a perfect world you will meet people who help you get through life. You will accomplish great things together and your story will be told throughout history.

‘That ain’t always how that shit goes though, is it?’
I have identified the 3 main people who will FK up your LIFE from the word HELLO.., and I kept it REALLY. SIMPLE.

1) THE SUPER GIVER
This person wants to do EVERYTHING for you. No matter what you need, they can do it.. no they MUST do it, and they won’t take no for an answer. This asshole will actually get OFFENDED if you talk about hiring a professional. “Aw man, you don’t need THEM! I’ll learn how to replace your car brakes on YouTube”!

It’s a setup. They want SOMETHING from you. They haven’t made it clear yet, but your ego is so busy getting stroked that you never recognize the trap. When the shit hits the fan they will come with this litany of all the things they’ve done for you, and the ONE THING……. you…… couldnt….. even…. do… for.. them. #GetTheFKOuttaMyFace

A GOOD friend will give you what you NEED and on rare occasions what you really want, if you’ve earned it.

2) THE SUPER TAKER
This degenerate will sit there and LET you do EVERYTHING for them, or constantly bail them out. Oh it didn’t start OUT that way. The relationship has just DE-volved into some ungodly version of what it once was. For the sake of nostalgia, or in memory of the ONE decent thing the asshole ever did, (Of course you assign way too much importance to it) you keep HOLDING on.

Don’t take my word for it. Just remember this note when you’re going in to co-sign for the sorry Mfkka’s car / apartment / telephone.

3) THE WILD CARD FANATIC
The other two scenarios can be balanced out with absence, counseling or maybe a fist fight, because they are symbiotic relationships. You both have grown to NEED each other in some sick way.

What about the person you JUST CANNOT REACH? They are emotionally closed off. Or they have dedicated their lives to some “higher ideal”.. (religion/political/whatever) You might welcome a challenge, but the fact is they will always place their ideals above you. Everything for “The Cause”! An asshole like this never sees the light until they’ve lost everything.

Avoid this Mfkka like the PLAGUE. This is the one most likely to get you killed. The others can as well (make no mistake) but THIS one won’t care. They’ll chalk it up to “The Cause”, which increases the likelihood of it happening.

OK Whatever…

All of this can be related just as easily to your love life. Early identification of FK’ed Up personality types can save you a world of heart ache in the future.

Equally important: While evaluating, remember to look.. in the damned.. mirror… I tell you ’cause I love you. Do not doubt the wisdom of MC ZULU, Heathens.

I find it aggravating to be around musicians and artists who have totally become sales people. They don’t seem to be able to STOP themselves! It also changes their art from what they would normally do. If someone is completely obsessed with “what sells”, they really are not creating from the heart..

Regarding creating from the heart: Sometimes even that can backfire. In your zeal to “create” it gets easier to tune out the desires of outside world.

Still you have to make money. So how does one strike the balance?

1) Create from the heart… Then Sell THAT
How many questionable examples of “art” go on to become iconic? It is a totally subjective experience. People will find meaning in anything. The key to getting customers is ATTRACTING them. Not forcing or begging. Be willing to tell a potential customer/fan/buyer etc. to KISS.YOUR.ASS (Kick Rocks) the moment they get sadistic about your desire to “make it”. Be sure to smile when you do that, like I often do ) It’s liberating.

2) Create certain things for certain people
This is more like providing a service, than being an artist. You might be able to sing like an ANGEL, but you can make millions as a Gangsta Rapper… what would YOU do? I’d rap like there was no tomorrow! But you better believe I would find a way to reconcile it with my true interests.

3) Your family and friends are NOT your fans!!!
They might be, but that’s because they are supposed to be. If you have a fan base full of people who just LIKE you… personally… Do what you can to get RID of them! Replace well-wishers with people who really get something out of what you do. You will find these people by accident, and unfortunately it takes time. At least you have made a genuine connection; far better than having your mom click your MySpace.

4) Why try to be “The Greatest”…? That’s just HYPE.
Being “The Favorite” is where you will find your “Greatest” reward. Someone’s favorite is not always the “best in the business”. Humphrey Bogart never won an Oscar, still he is THE symbol of Hollywood. He is a fan favorite, and it benefits his legacy. Think of your own example. Choosing what you really like puts you in touch with your true self. I encourage that with my fans. I certainly don’t expect you heathens to like every one of my songs!..lol….. Top 40 radio employs enough “mind control” hype techniques on you already.

Living up to accolades is an exercise in humility.
Living up to hype is an exercise in stupidity.

I think it’s interesting how MTV (Music Television) pioneered “Reality TV”. They did so well with it that they no longer even play music videos. That also made me think about the History Channel’s Pawn series; and the fact that you can become more politically astute watching Comedy Central than most other places.

When mixed presentations like this succeed, it makes me wonder “how can the average citizen apply this method?” What can I add to my music / film / book / speeches / etc. to increase its value? I have 3 good ideas, but I welcome any feedback.

1) Consider mixing opposites:
Opposites attract. How many chocolate manufacturers were kicking themselves wondering “why didn’t I think of that?” when the chocolate / peanut butter formula came to light?

2) Look to the past:
What worked exactly 20 years ago will work today. The biggest boom in 60′s culture occurred during the 80′s. Feelings of nostalgia mix with familiarity. People forget how turbulent things actually were. We all do this as a way to feel younger.

3) Consider Others:
Sometimes success does not come as a result of chasing what you want. It can also be a result of providing what others want. No matter how impractical… find out what it is, and place them just ONE step closer. Beauty cream does not always give beauty (maybe only microscopic changes are made), but it’s still a billion dollar industry.

Thinking on the fringes is a way that I have been able to apply these ideas.  I never go for the obvious thing. Every time I tried that I lost big. For every business idea you have, there is a major corporation who is competing for market share and probably lobbying the government to ensure that they keep it. It is much easier to profit from things that they overlook.

Think not only outside the box, but even further. Think outside the room the box is in.

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King MONTH.. (hell yea, dammit) I am giving my brothas some much needed assistance in a very important area. Now you DO NOT have to be black, (or even a dude) to benefit from this…… So if you are smart you’ll pay attention.

1. Dont Forget The “R”
Not only should you not forget.. You should STRESSSSS IT! “Good Evening Officerrrrr.” The G too, if you are able.

I bought my first car on the back roads of North Carolina, as a young specialist in the Army. Even THEN, I knew “Offuh-Suh” just wasn’t going to get it. Without that “R”, Police are already drawing conclusions about you. Drugs, Weapons, Resisting…

Get mad if you want. You’ll know what I mean when that flashlight is shined in your back seat, or when they rip out your upholstery. It could EVEN be said that the absence of an “R” amounts to PROBABLE CAUSE in some areas. “Why’d you have to shoot the nig….uhh… ..I mean SUSPECT?”.. “He didn’t say R”.. CASE DISMISSED..This can save you a LOT of heartache. That’s why it’s Rule Number ONE

2. No more than a 30 degree incline in the seat
I know some of you brothas are TALL, Bubba Smith lookin’ azz dudes who have to pull out the back seat and then look through the sunroof just to drive down the street. The rest of us HAVE NO EXCUSE. ROLL that damn SEAT back forward and stop laying down when you drive!

YOU might think it’s cool, but to the casual observer it REALLY looks like your 6 year old kid stole the car.

When you get pulled over and it looks like you’ve been masturbating in the driver’s seat for the past 25 miles.. NO BUENO! It’s the equivalent of sagging your pants when you walk.

Then you expect someone to believe you were late for work?? And the real TRIP IS.. you probably ARE!! But they won’t be inclined to give you any kind of break. They might keep you longer just to FK with you.

3. PLEASE… Only 1 Joke!!
Assuming you have the first two rules down, let’s move on. Don’t be all JOKEY and Conversational with the cops and sh**.. What the hell is wrong with you? They have a job to do, and there’s nothing worse than someone who thinks they can joke their way out of a ticket… STILL You need to show them you are a human being.. so ONE JOKE, that’s it.

“You know why I stopped you?”
“It was the leg hanging out of the trunk wasnt it?……….. I can explain”

EITHER he/she will laugh about it: At which point you know at least you will leave the situation without a bullet in your azz..
OR they will be some TOTAL Hard-Ass and not crack a smile: That’s cool too. Just shut up and hand over your license. If what you say is funny enough they are probably laughing inside. They will tell their friends at the donut shop and laugh later.

The problem is when you turn into Dave Chappelle all of a sudden.. You seem GUILTY AS HELL, and you might catch a beating for all your efforts. You’ll know I was right when ten more squad cars pull up.

4. Factory Upgrades ONLY
Sorry, “Pimp My Ride” I know there’s an art to what you do… but it’s Baaaadd JuJu (magic) for the brothas…

If you drive a luxury vehicle, with the rims, ground FX, lights and emblems ALL from the FACTORY.. It says “flashy but conservative”.. It also SCREAMS “High-Priced Attorney”.

Cars that have been “3rd Party Pimped Out” have “Public Defendant” written all over them.. Especially when it’s a 25 year old Caprice Classic. Shut Up.. I’ve been there.

5. Radio Station Emergency Quick Change!!
Repeat after me!!! James Taylor / Christopher Cross / Jimmy Buffet
You need a HOT BUTTON in your car that will adjust the seat for you, and switch your current radio selection from “FK The Police” to ONE of these three! Make an iPod PLAYLIST! I SWEAR to you, these artists are the holy trinity of pussifi.. er. pacification.

There is nothing like “Yacht Rock” to soothe the savage beast.
VERY IMPORTANT: Volume at 2 and 1/2!!. The officer will not ask you to turn down the music. Instead they will hear it FAINTLY in the background.

They might walk up wanting to kick some ass, but SUBCONSCIOUSLY, they will be transported to that vacation getaway they took in college.. where THEY TOO… smoked weed. This will enable them to overlook that mild odor emanating from YOUR vehicle. (*ahem)

Black cops are no different. They might think of you as a “Carlton Banks azz ni**a”… but they WON’T be reaching for their gun.. ESPECIALLY if you have followed the previous rules!!

Disclaimer: I’m just trying to help. There are no guarantees in life… but this HAS made things easier for my luxury car driving, lead foot having, frequently pulled over BLACK AZZ.. So Far.

So next time you think raising your voice and talking about how you are going to beat someone’s ass is going to scare them…

GRANTED… The young, thuggish-rugish bone in question was about half the size of “Semper Fi Santa”.. STILL, he had ample opportunity to let the situation diffuse itself.

Ruggish Bone practically BEGGED for this tune-up, further proving that the distance between “Imma beat yo’ azz”, and “Call da Amber-Lamps” is probably closer than we all thought.

Wierdly, I have faith that he will be a better man for it in the long run.