Ideally every friendship you make should be lifelong and fulfilling. In a perfect world you will meet people who help you get through life. You will accomplish great things together and your story will be told throughout history.
‘That ain’t always how that shit goes though, is it?’
I have identified the 3 main people who will FK up your LIFE from the word HELLO.., and I kept it REALLY. SIMPLE.
1) THE SUPER GIVER
This person wants to do EVERYTHING for you. No matter what you need, they can do it.. no they MUST do it, and they won’t take no for an answer. This asshole will actually get OFFENDED if you talk about hiring a professional. “Aw man, you don’t need THEM! I’ll learn how to replace your car brakes on YouTube”!
It’s a setup. They want SOMETHING from you. They haven’t made it clear yet, but your ego is so busy getting stroked that you never recognize the trap. When the shit hits the fan they will come with this litany of all the things they’ve done for you, and the ONE THING……. you…… couldnt….. even…. do… for.. them. #GetTheFKOuttaMyFace
A GOOD friend will give you what you NEED and on rare occasions what you really want, if you’ve earned it.
2) THE SUPER TAKER
This degenerate will sit there and LET you do EVERYTHING for them, or constantly bail them out. Oh it didn’t start OUT that way. The relationship has just DE-volved into some ungodly version of what it once was. For the sake of nostalgia, or in memory of the ONE decent thing the asshole ever did, (Of course you assign way too much importance to it) you keep HOLDING on.
Don’t take my word for it. Just remember this note when you’re going in to co-sign for the sorry Mfkka’s car / apartment / telephone.
3) THE WILD CARD FANATIC
The other two scenarios can be balanced out with absence, counseling or maybe a fist fight, because they are symbiotic relationships. You both have grown to NEED each other in some sick way.
What about the person you JUST CANNOT REACH? They are emotionally closed off. Or they have dedicated their lives to some “higher ideal”.. (religion/political/whatever) You might welcome a challenge, but the fact is they will always place their ideals above you. Everything for “The Cause”! An asshole like this never sees the light until they’ve lost everything.
Avoid this Mfkka like the PLAGUE. This is the one most likely to get you killed. The others can as well (make no mistake) but THIS one won’t care. They’ll chalk it up to “The Cause”, which increases the likelihood of it happening.
All of this can be related just as easily to your love life. Early identification of FK’ed Up personality types can save you a world of heart ache in the future.
Equally important: While evaluating, remember to look.. in the damned.. mirror… I tell you ’cause I love you. Do not doubt the wisdom of MC ZULU, Heathens.